The Troubled Therapist

February 23, 2012

Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Blow Jobs

Into the distance straight to the point of turning back, I can’t escape or remain free from tongue twisting. So instead of turning to stone or leucotomy, I indulge in the tedium of group practice as a practitioner of being adrift. Add determining factors like attendance, participation, flatulation, and me as a group leader intent on fantasy and moronic leading questions aimed at wasting time, and you’ve got group dynamics disguised as a Republican Presidential debate or an understanding of what I’m trying to decipher in this post ( message me with a $50.00 check or a coupon for Manny’s Medical Maui Wowie if this makes sense).
Okay … just a little pin prick.
Journeying to the center of the mind is a heady trip. Psychedelics, confusion, a howling wind carrying the flatulence of those along the watchtower help to share the psychotic load — loaded or unloaded. In medical terminology it’s simply stated as Expressive Language Disorder — an impairment in expressive language development as demonstrated by scores on standardized individually administered measures of expressive language development substantially below those obtained from standardized measures of both nonverbal intellectual capacity and receptive language development, including verbal language, sign language, Rick Santorum’s religious delusions, Mitt Romney’s plasticized attempts at verbal language through practiced animated facial expressions and body tics, Newt Gingrich’s ability to over-bloat and Ron Paul’s whinny huffiness.
Hello is there anybody in there?
The linguistic features of Expressive Language Disorder [ELD] varies depending on its severity and the age of the patient [politician]. These features include a limited amount of speech, limited range of vocabulary, difficulty acquiring new words, word-finding or vocabulary errors, shortened sentences, simplified grammatical structures, limited varieties of grammatical structures, limited varieties of sentence types, omissions of critical parts of sentences, use of unusual word order, and slow rate of language development — acquired either through biological means or sloppy oral sex (conservatives still dispute this despite indicative indicators [Rick Santorum has a call in to the Vatican for clarification {Ron Paul relates to Newt Gingrich through hand mimicry and rolling eyes {{Gingrich, prone to crowing and barking, hides his ELD from Ron Paul with an overindulgence in Ho Ho’s and flatulence overload — biological}} that Santorum is in desperate need of oral sex post coitus} — lost in a teleprompter translation Mitt Romney misinterprets as a sign to change direction, philosophy, and the CD playing static in his head]).
Hey you with you ear against the wall can you hear me?
As I’ve stated: group therapy, debates and Rick Santorum shadow singing Pink Floyd can be tedious. Elections or talk talk sessions disguised as intelligent banter aren’t for the political or medical astute [destitute]. The cure is not a rock band or in the cure for ELD, which isn’t found in treatment, but in avoidance.
Come on, it’s time to go.
These gentle voices I hear explain it all with a sigh. For ELD, Santorum backs aspirin between the knees therapy post speaking in tongues with Jesus and Satan’s attorney. Mitt Romney has no clue as to whether he believes in intelligent banter, and thus can’t believe his beliefs until they are otherwise believable. Newt Gingrich [Ho Ho crumbed] insists on insisting he’s breathing in and breathing out despite current polling [and sexual] position. Ron Paul reminds himself he’s so very special — after all, he’s opposed to breathing in and breathing out unless he’s debating.
… And President Obama promises me that my Manny coupon is in the mail.


January 27, 2010

The Fear of Fearing Fear or Mick Jagger

Filed under: comedy,humor,Uncategorized — Chuck A Stetson @ 3:25 PM
Tags: , , ,

Treating phobias are annoying unless they are dogging a patient with good medical insurance or a hefty trust fund. Let’s not forget potential patients who also willing to pay me $175 an hour for a forty-five minute session I usually start ten minutes late. Their criterion for treatment is the ability to pay in cash—no credit cards [American Express and Visa have contracted a hit on me]—or grape juice bars.

Now phobia is just an irrational fear of fear: attach a suffix and you can fear most anything. Arachnophobia. Hydrophobia. Sexphobia. Coca Cola-phobia. Mick Jagger-phobia. You get the idea. I do, but I fear fearing not understanding.

Drugs [preferably prescribed], alcohol [preferably micro-brewed beer or anything bourbon] and other distractions not listed in the DSM-IV [see: 292.0 thru 292.9] are a good start in conquering anything phobic. But if you fear anything in the previous sentence, I’m here to assist you. I understand that fearing fear can be fearful and downright frightening. My ability to remain objective despite a subjective conclusion to the contrary makes me as a therapist the ideal solution. And if you’re agoraphobic, I’ll come to you. Just remember that my fees are non-inclusive of traveling expenses [chauffeured limos]. If I must travel by bus… well forget it. I’m bus-phobic.

My practice is open.

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