The Troubled Therapist

May 8, 2012

Insight Into Mitt Romney’s Dysmorphic Thoughts

Take the manifestation of Delusional Disorder after maniacally masticating reality with a heaping of twisted facts and grandiose gestation [Dissociative Amnesia], and one [Mitt Romney] presents for treatment Twit Syndrome [my diagnosis {American Psychiatric Association patent pending}].
Twit Syndrome is best characterized by the presence of non-bizarre delusions persisted for at least six months or one republican presidential primary. Non-bizarre delusions such as believing one’s beliefs are beliefs worth believing in after public opinion wanes from disinterest and a serious lack of hamburger helper is something occurring in a patient’s paradigm and innate ability to forgo subsequent conclusions locked in the realm of possibility [proselytizing intended intangibility]. For example, the patient may believe their significant other should go through a moral bankruptcy rather than face the ardor of counseling or psychotropic intervention [single pay option optional] when the moral bankruptcy in issue is a flambéed factoid rooted in the transference of fundamentalist fundament served on golden plates [think peculiar thoughts{think altered LSD-LDS tripping}]; and upon completion of previously discussed moral bankruptcy said patient will alter disbelief with a belief in being pro-everything he or she or Mitt Romney was once against.
One must remember to forget that Twit Syndrome sufferers have a marked impairment in their daily functioning not noticeably bizarre or objectively characterized as out-of-the-ordinary. Real life becomes a distraction. Tactile and olfactory hallucinations center around manifested destiny and destination blurred by frequent derailment or incoherence within grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior during or after debating and press conferences designed to dispel previous thought and intention.
Psychotherapy is usually the most effective help for patients suffering from Twit Syndrome. The overriding important factor in this therapy is the quality of the patient/therapist relationship [ability to pay or proof of insurance]. If the patent believes that the therapist really does think he or she is “crazy,” the therapy is on target and greatly enhanced with enhancements and enactable enactions [various pharmaceutical cocktails]. Once a firm, supportive therapeutic relationship has been established, the therapist can begin reinforcing positive gains and behaviors the individual makes in his or her life, such as in educational or occupational gains [an honest tithing tithable tirate is considered contradictory and not for the belly or body]. Only when the patient has begun to feel more secure in their social or occupational world can more productive work be accomplished — think Mitt Romney moonwalking [think real hard {opiate somnambulism required}]

November 8, 2011

Herman Cain’s need for Helium and Pop Tarts

Happy times are depressing without helium. Don’t worry if you find yourself without helium or a physician [psychiatrist, ophthalmologist, phlebotomist, {or horse whisperer}] willing to write a script for tension alleviating pharmaceuticals or Thai massage happy endings. I’m going to discuss a potential epidemic seeping into the electoral culture, kindergartens, free form finger paintings and Joe Cocker interpreter associations: flipmitusfloppimusrearrangeddreangement  [FFRD[or say what [?] disease]}].

Now I know the millions of you not following my blog would rather I discuss Dyspareunia and the depression that can result from vaginismus and the complete lack of lubrication in grape jelly, but present topic sideways, the need for FFRD education is paramount in Peoria and beyond.

To understand the symptoms of FFRD, the medical disestablishment must first recognize [my genius] potential afflicted affected nondescript described sufferers, and to distinguish said sufferers with potential plaintiffs of a class action suit aimed at silencing and lobotomizing [my genius] practitioners versed in the idiosyncrasies of Herman Cain’s denials, rebuttals, fondness for big butts, and secret-sauce stuffed salamis, or Mitt Romney’s fascination with which way the wind blows and imagined conversations with Ken dolls and Rick Perry [sans funny penguin walk and imagined disbelief at the believable {as it pertains to the scriptures and cartoon network marathons}] Ron Paul casting puppet shadows at Rick Santorum.

No?

More clarification?

Think of Michele Bachmann — I do three times a day. My fascination with her ability to increase paranoia within a delusional state [hers] as it pertains to Orville Redenbacher’s super secret popcorn and the gayness associated with corndogs brings on a serious case of Dyspareunia, but I digest.

More clarification?

Well, add to my research [fantasy] that Bachmann exhibits no signs of FFRD: external finger paint stains, Joe Cocker seizure-gestures [or faxed-facsimiles], leads one to believe her strengths struggle with cogent thought and tuna fish. Now I suggest one pay careful attention to the finger paint stains of Romney, Perry, Santorum, Paul [Gingrich ate his] { Cain is in perpetual denial of all things stained and oral}], and you have it: classic flipmitusfloppimusrearrangeddreangement  [FFRD[or say what [?] disease]}]  Sadly, the only known cure is helium or codeine coated pop tarts — untoasted.

Now where’s the grape jelly?

July 12, 2011

Debt Ceiling, Michele Bachmann and Boehner Blow-up Dolls

Filed under: comedy,humor — Chuck A Stetson @ 1:40 PM
Tags: , , , , , ,

I’ve been on sabbatical. Fueled by wasteful thinking, Wonton soup noodles and a belief in the disbelief that my patients were mannequins suffering from DAMP [deficits in attention, motor control and perception], I acquiesced to diagnosis’ of Autagonistophilia [there was only that one time {maybe three or four} in the chorus line of A Beautiful Mind in Rio], Internet Addiction Disorder and Michele Bachmann –Turner Overdrive Wishful Polyandry On Alternating Wednesdays Disorder. But that’s in the incurable past.

Many of my patients and similar facilities of functional compunctions with compulsions to shimmy-shimmy-shake, have voiced growing anxiety over the inability to manage staring at the ceiling debt [? {— transference of complexities on to inanimate animation}]. Electric shock therapy, Silly String therapy, prophylactic therapy and terseness within flower arranging seminars, have proved ineffective in treatment of the ceiling debt or debt ceiling [terminology depends on regionalist predilections on proprietary fiscal madness] paranoia. After much thought and dialogue with my colleagues at the Cartoon Network, I’ve determined a course of reactive treatment disproportionate to the situation — the raising of my hourly rate. While this influx in capital will help to alleviate the concave comedy of watching one’s ceiling, there’s soon to be irrefutable evidence to the contrary. That’s the magic of DC [Debt Ceiling] Madness.

As in past treatment options, adherence to medication is optimally optional pending delusional approval from the makers of M&M’s and John Boehner blowup dolls with facsimile fascia. Should — by fact of reason or understanding that the inanimate stasis of ceilings [dropped, plastered, dry-walled or apricot pitted] have nothing to do with debt outside of the inner-workings of asylum-vested vestige and/or the other, my determination to wander wanderlust into the der ernsthaft heiß blue eyes of Michele Bachmann will continue to undermine my attempts at collateral-collage making until the powers that be reinstate internet privileges or my next scheduled appointment.

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