The Troubled Therapist

May 8, 2012

Insight Into Mitt Romney’s Dysmorphic Thoughts

Take the manifestation of Delusional Disorder after maniacally masticating reality with a heaping of twisted facts and grandiose gestation [Dissociative Amnesia], and one [Mitt Romney] presents for treatment Twit Syndrome [my diagnosis {American Psychiatric Association patent pending}].
Twit Syndrome is best characterized by the presence of non-bizarre delusions persisted for at least six months or one republican presidential primary. Non-bizarre delusions such as believing one’s beliefs are beliefs worth believing in after public opinion wanes from disinterest and a serious lack of hamburger helper is something occurring in a patient’s paradigm and innate ability to forgo subsequent conclusions locked in the realm of possibility [proselytizing intended intangibility]. For example, the patient may believe their significant other should go through a moral bankruptcy rather than face the ardor of counseling or psychotropic intervention [single pay option optional] when the moral bankruptcy in issue is a flambéed factoid rooted in the transference of fundamentalist fundament served on golden plates [think peculiar thoughts{think altered LSD-LDS tripping}]; and upon completion of previously discussed moral bankruptcy said patient will alter disbelief with a belief in being pro-everything he or she or Mitt Romney was once against.
One must remember to forget that Twit Syndrome sufferers have a marked impairment in their daily functioning not noticeably bizarre or objectively characterized as out-of-the-ordinary. Real life becomes a distraction. Tactile and olfactory hallucinations center around manifested destiny and destination blurred by frequent derailment or incoherence within grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior during or after debating and press conferences designed to dispel previous thought and intention.
Psychotherapy is usually the most effective help for patients suffering from Twit Syndrome. The overriding important factor in this therapy is the quality of the patient/therapist relationship [ability to pay or proof of insurance]. If the patent believes that the therapist really does think he or she is “crazy,” the therapy is on target and greatly enhanced with enhancements and enactable enactions [various pharmaceutical cocktails]. Once a firm, supportive therapeutic relationship has been established, the therapist can begin reinforcing positive gains and behaviors the individual makes in his or her life, such as in educational or occupational gains [an honest tithing tithable tirate is considered contradictory and not for the belly or body]. Only when the patient has begun to feel more secure in their social or occupational world can more productive work be accomplished — think Mitt Romney moonwalking [think real hard {opiate somnambulism required}]


February 23, 2012

Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Blow Jobs

Into the distance straight to the point of turning back, I can’t escape or remain free from tongue twisting. So instead of turning to stone or leucotomy, I indulge in the tedium of group practice as a practitioner of being adrift. Add determining factors like attendance, participation, flatulation, and me as a group leader intent on fantasy and moronic leading questions aimed at wasting time, and you’ve got group dynamics disguised as a Republican Presidential debate or an understanding of what I’m trying to decipher in this post ( message me with a $50.00 check or a coupon for Manny’s Medical Maui Wowie if this makes sense).
Okay … just a little pin prick.
Journeying to the center of the mind is a heady trip. Psychedelics, confusion, a howling wind carrying the flatulence of those along the watchtower help to share the psychotic load — loaded or unloaded. In medical terminology it’s simply stated as Expressive Language Disorder — an impairment in expressive language development as demonstrated by scores on standardized individually administered measures of expressive language development substantially below those obtained from standardized measures of both nonverbal intellectual capacity and receptive language development, including verbal language, sign language, Rick Santorum’s religious delusions, Mitt Romney’s plasticized attempts at verbal language through practiced animated facial expressions and body tics, Newt Gingrich’s ability to over-bloat and Ron Paul’s whinny huffiness.
Hello is there anybody in there?
The linguistic features of Expressive Language Disorder [ELD] varies depending on its severity and the age of the patient [politician]. These features include a limited amount of speech, limited range of vocabulary, difficulty acquiring new words, word-finding or vocabulary errors, shortened sentences, simplified grammatical structures, limited varieties of grammatical structures, limited varieties of sentence types, omissions of critical parts of sentences, use of unusual word order, and slow rate of language development — acquired either through biological means or sloppy oral sex (conservatives still dispute this despite indicative indicators [Rick Santorum has a call in to the Vatican for clarification {Ron Paul relates to Newt Gingrich through hand mimicry and rolling eyes {{Gingrich, prone to crowing and barking, hides his ELD from Ron Paul with an overindulgence in Ho Ho’s and flatulence overload — biological}} that Santorum is in desperate need of oral sex post coitus} — lost in a teleprompter translation Mitt Romney misinterprets as a sign to change direction, philosophy, and the CD playing static in his head]).
Hey you with you ear against the wall can you hear me?
As I’ve stated: group therapy, debates and Rick Santorum shadow singing Pink Floyd can be tedious. Elections or talk talk sessions disguised as intelligent banter aren’t for the political or medical astute [destitute]. The cure is not a rock band or in the cure for ELD, which isn’t found in treatment, but in avoidance.
Come on, it’s time to go.
These gentle voices I hear explain it all with a sigh. For ELD, Santorum backs aspirin between the knees therapy post speaking in tongues with Jesus and Satan’s attorney. Mitt Romney has no clue as to whether he believes in intelligent banter, and thus can’t believe his beliefs until they are otherwise believable. Newt Gingrich [Ho Ho crumbed] insists on insisting he’s breathing in and breathing out despite current polling [and sexual] position. Ron Paul reminds himself he’s so very special — after all, he’s opposed to breathing in and breathing out unless he’s debating.
… And President Obama promises me that my Manny coupon is in the mail.

February 14, 2012

Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum and Ritalin Marsmallows

You know I got to take it easy. I saw the lemonade kid hawking Ritalin marshmallows for good times and a whole bunch of “see you laters”. And it got me to thinking. The world is a cheap theatre. We are all patrons — some paying, some forced-contributors and the ones like me: interpreters bogarting reality.

Hey Mr. Spaceman won’t you please take me along … hey Mr. Spaceman … u’mm … what [?]

Why is Mitt Romney singing a long time gone? Surely he can’t stand the light of day. Oh he speaks out against the madness, but he is what he speaks out against as he tries to get himself elected. And the madness: A history of many physical complaints beginning before age 30 years that occur over a period of several years and result in treatment being sought or significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning is really a long time coming. Or so it appears in mirrors.


All Mitt wants to do is be friends with the many of his personas — inspected or rejected. In this I see him as an interpreter bogarting his reality in a clandestine way so far from where he left himself after promising not to do like he did — now or in the future. He must fly. She must fly. Who? Whom? Mitt? Who knows? He doesn’t.

And the lemonade kid hawking Ritalin marshmallows…? His whole bunch of “see you laters” have harvested into cultish boredom respective of the introspective culture shock Rick Santorum has embraced and released to the public in numerous debates and hefty Pennsylvania earmarks earmarked for open hands before clasping in prayer. Oh he’s craftily crafted innocent enough, but don’t let his looking like the Big Boy statue serving burgers in Warren, Michigan fool you or the many personas [Romney] Newt Gingrich wishes would fade away on the street where he lives sufficiently breathless and fat. Yes, Newt too wishes he could fly, figure out reality and figure spaghetti dinners disguised as lasagna metaphors and historical bipedal histrionics.

Newt is such a fig.

Hey Mr. Spaceman I want to come along. Hey Mr. Spaceman … I’m so tired, my mind is on the blink …

I didn’t realize the effective nature of my treatment coinciding with a history of many physical complaints beginning before age 30 years that occur over a period of several years and result in treatment being sought or significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. My patients can see what I see and I need you Michele Bachmann.

Can you hear me knocking?

November 8, 2011

Herman Cain’s need for Helium and Pop Tarts

Happy times are depressing without helium. Don’t worry if you find yourself without helium or a physician [psychiatrist, ophthalmologist, phlebotomist, {or horse whisperer}] willing to write a script for tension alleviating pharmaceuticals or Thai massage happy endings. I’m going to discuss a potential epidemic seeping into the electoral culture, kindergartens, free form finger paintings and Joe Cocker interpreter associations: flipmitusfloppimusrearrangeddreangement  [FFRD[or say what [?] disease]}].

Now I know the millions of you not following my blog would rather I discuss Dyspareunia and the depression that can result from vaginismus and the complete lack of lubrication in grape jelly, but present topic sideways, the need for FFRD education is paramount in Peoria and beyond.

To understand the symptoms of FFRD, the medical disestablishment must first recognize [my genius] potential afflicted affected nondescript described sufferers, and to distinguish said sufferers with potential plaintiffs of a class action suit aimed at silencing and lobotomizing [my genius] practitioners versed in the idiosyncrasies of Herman Cain’s denials, rebuttals, fondness for big butts, and secret-sauce stuffed salamis, or Mitt Romney’s fascination with which way the wind blows and imagined conversations with Ken dolls and Rick Perry [sans funny penguin walk and imagined disbelief at the believable {as it pertains to the scriptures and cartoon network marathons}] Ron Paul casting puppet shadows at Rick Santorum.


More clarification?

Think of Michele Bachmann — I do three times a day. My fascination with her ability to increase paranoia within a delusional state [hers] as it pertains to Orville Redenbacher’s super secret popcorn and the gayness associated with corndogs brings on a serious case of Dyspareunia, but I digest.

More clarification?

Well, add to my research [fantasy] that Bachmann exhibits no signs of FFRD: external finger paint stains, Joe Cocker seizure-gestures [or faxed-facsimiles], leads one to believe her strengths struggle with cogent thought and tuna fish. Now I suggest one pay careful attention to the finger paint stains of Romney, Perry, Santorum, Paul [Gingrich ate his] { Cain is in perpetual denial of all things stained and oral}], and you have it: classic flipmitusfloppimusrearrangeddreangement  [FFRD[or say what [?] disease]}]  Sadly, the only known cure is helium or codeine coated pop tarts — untoasted.

Now where’s the grape jelly?

July 12, 2011

Debt Ceiling, Michele Bachmann and Boehner Blow-up Dolls

Filed under: comedy,humor — Chuck A Stetson @ 1:40 PM
Tags: , , , , , ,

I’ve been on sabbatical. Fueled by wasteful thinking, Wonton soup noodles and a belief in the disbelief that my patients were mannequins suffering from DAMP [deficits in attention, motor control and perception], I acquiesced to diagnosis’ of Autagonistophilia [there was only that one time {maybe three or four} in the chorus line of A Beautiful Mind in Rio], Internet Addiction Disorder and Michele Bachmann –Turner Overdrive Wishful Polyandry On Alternating Wednesdays Disorder. But that’s in the incurable past.

Many of my patients and similar facilities of functional compunctions with compulsions to shimmy-shimmy-shake, have voiced growing anxiety over the inability to manage staring at the ceiling debt [? {— transference of complexities on to inanimate animation}]. Electric shock therapy, Silly String therapy, prophylactic therapy and terseness within flower arranging seminars, have proved ineffective in treatment of the ceiling debt or debt ceiling [terminology depends on regionalist predilections on proprietary fiscal madness] paranoia. After much thought and dialogue with my colleagues at the Cartoon Network, I’ve determined a course of reactive treatment disproportionate to the situation — the raising of my hourly rate. While this influx in capital will help to alleviate the concave comedy of watching one’s ceiling, there’s soon to be irrefutable evidence to the contrary. That’s the magic of DC [Debt Ceiling] Madness.

As in past treatment options, adherence to medication is optimally optional pending delusional approval from the makers of M&M’s and John Boehner blowup dolls with facsimile fascia. Should — by fact of reason or understanding that the inanimate stasis of ceilings [dropped, plastered, dry-walled or apricot pitted] have nothing to do with debt outside of the inner-workings of asylum-vested vestige and/or the other, my determination to wander wanderlust into the der ernsthaft heiß blue eyes of Michele Bachmann will continue to undermine my attempts at collateral-collage making until the powers that be reinstate internet privileges or my next scheduled appointment.

February 4, 2010

Political Dysmorphia, Walmart and Proctology

Filed under: comedy,humor,Uncategorized — Chuck A Stetson @ 1:12 PM
Tags: , , , ,

I hesitate discussing the disease: political dysmorphic syndrome, otherwise known as convoluted convulsive rhetoric disorder. Somehow, my mind is diverging on diluted thoughts concerning Walmart’s disgusting practice of closing checkout lines when a conglomerate of customers converge on apathetic sales associates [male, female and gender nonspecific] dedicated to preserving their extra long brightly colored press-on nails while scanning various commodities [Beijing bargain basement prices] that cry out sometimes, nearly-never American made. But my digression digresses so I redirect my thoughts to transient translucent episodic episodes.

Political dysmorphic syndrome is a growing anxiety disorder in which the affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied with perceived defects in the political spectrum concerning the inner-self and political affiliations. Political dysmorphia seemingly manifests as one reaches voting age; leanings towards progressive thoughts are most likely to occur unless the young voter has been indoctrinated by conservative ideology [conservative parents] thus rendering progressive tendencies tenesmus —except for those catheterized or colostomy-bagged. Factored into this treatise is the early voter who leans towards political non-affiliation. Generally, this patient shows signs of indifference and constipation; a high fiber diatribe diet is recommended. Root cause maybe quasi-quenched with root beer—non-diet. I need not continue this paragraph.

The mutation of political dysmorphia seemingly happens as one progresses through minimum wage, anemic academia, non-union unionization, corporate copulation and tax bracket awareness [have you seen my taxes? Seriously… I don’t know where my CPA resides within the federal penal system] leading to a renewed interest in Jesus, Republican ideology centered around talking points of serious verbose verbiage verboten of construct concerning concern and constructionist non-contemplation. One can also consider the damage of UV tanning rays, but I won’t. That’s another disease [Boehnerbozoism] I’ll reserve discussion on for anther time. This blog has yet to generate interest beyond five hundred words. So, on to treatment….

Patients diagnosed with this disorder [do I have to mention the name again? Seriously…] may be treated with psychotherapy, medication, or both. Research has shown cognitive behavioral therapy is successful. I’ve noticed a noticeable decrease in political confusion with patients who participate in said cognitive behavior therapies such as: proctology, pizza delivery in low-income high crime rate areas, Mennonite mediation, and greeting shoppers at Walmart.

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