The Troubled Therapist

February 4, 2010

Political Dysmorphia, Walmart and Proctology

Filed under: comedy,humor,Uncategorized — Chuck A Stetson @ 1:12 PM
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I hesitate discussing the disease: political dysmorphic syndrome, otherwise known as convoluted convulsive rhetoric disorder. Somehow, my mind is diverging on diluted thoughts concerning Walmart’s disgusting practice of closing checkout lines when a conglomerate of customers converge on apathetic sales associates [male, female and gender nonspecific] dedicated to preserving their extra long brightly colored press-on nails while scanning various commodities [Beijing bargain basement prices] that cry out sometimes, nearly-never American made. But my digression digresses so I redirect my thoughts to transient translucent episodic episodes.

Political dysmorphic syndrome is a growing anxiety disorder in which the affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied with perceived defects in the political spectrum concerning the inner-self and political affiliations. Political dysmorphia seemingly manifests as one reaches voting age; leanings towards progressive thoughts are most likely to occur unless the young voter has been indoctrinated by conservative ideology [conservative parents] thus rendering progressive tendencies tenesmus —except for those catheterized or colostomy-bagged. Factored into this treatise is the early voter who leans towards political non-affiliation. Generally, this patient shows signs of indifference and constipation; a high fiber diatribe diet is recommended. Root cause maybe quasi-quenched with root beer—non-diet. I need not continue this paragraph.

The mutation of political dysmorphia seemingly happens as one progresses through minimum wage, anemic academia, non-union unionization, corporate copulation and tax bracket awareness [have you seen my taxes? Seriously… I don’t know where my CPA resides within the federal penal system] leading to a renewed interest in Jesus, Republican ideology centered around talking points of serious verbose verbiage verboten of construct concerning concern and constructionist non-contemplation. One can also consider the damage of UV tanning rays, but I won’t. That’s another disease [Boehnerbozoism] I’ll reserve discussion on for anther time. This blog has yet to generate interest beyond five hundred words. So, on to treatment….

Patients diagnosed with this disorder [do I have to mention the name again? Seriously…] may be treated with psychotherapy, medication, or both. Research has shown cognitive behavioral therapy is successful. I’ve noticed a noticeable decrease in political confusion with patients who participate in said cognitive behavior therapies such as: proctology, pizza delivery in low-income high crime rate areas, Mennonite mediation, and greeting shoppers at Walmart.

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