The Troubled Therapist

February 15, 2010

Charles Krauthammer, Polar Bear Poop and Ex-lax

Filed under: comedy,humor,Uncategorized — Chuck A Stetson @ 5:11 PM
Tags: , , , ,

The eating disorder bulimia is most common among female adolescents and young adults. People with bulimia typically eat large amounts of high-calorie foods, usually in secret. After this binge eating they often, force themselves to vomit. They have feelings of guilt or depression. It isn’t my intention to use a Sharpie to draw attention to this disorder; instead, compulsivity and compressed fractures of the metacarpals [I complained to Vic about the vig] have me digesting the complex disorder: bullshit epididymis-epidemiology—crapola for short.

Complications from long-term bulimia include: electrolyte abnormalities, esophagitis, gastric dilatation, lung (pulmonary) aspiration, pancreatitis, pharyngitis, tooth decay, constipation and hemorrhoids, interestingly enough, have nothing to do with bullshit epididymis-epidemiology [bad breath and predilections for predisposition of suppository support do], but crap is crap unless said crap morphs into crapola and polar bear poop. It takes a trained medical professional [a gay minister who claims deity-intervention cured his gayness and genital oozing is not such a professional] to identify, identify with, and have indemnity from ideological discussions concerning identities to discuss polar bear poop as it might pertain to political poop from which there is seemingly no immunity. Moose poop is a different animal.

The cause for bullshit epididymis-epidemiology is unknown. However, one suffering from bullshit epididymis-epidemiology might just be a bullshitter pooping genetic nonsense. Testing in this area is still in the formative stages as constipation and free airfare to Constantinople have kept said testing from engaging in anything specific beyond specified bullshit identified [political punditry, puritanical pungency and Rush Limbaugh’s larynx dipped in Ex-lax] to be tested. However, many researchers grade on a curve, easing patients’ anxieties concerning stepping in polar bear poop [moose poop somehow isn’t as traumatic. Go figure… I’ll wait and digress].

Treatment is complicated and time sensitive [it’s best to catch a bullshitter pre-meal]. I find that my patients respond well to ABBA songs, making faces at pictures of Charles Krauthammer and journaling about disingenuous indigenous indigestible indignation. Medication is usually not needed for this disorder. However, psychedelics sprinkled on your Frosted Flakes can’t hurt; your doctor may prescribe antidepressants, but that’s really a bullshit option unless a patient steps in poop of any kind.

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