The Troubled Therapist

November 8, 2011

Herman Cain’s need for Helium and Pop Tarts

Happy times are depressing without helium. Don’t worry if you find yourself without helium or a physician [psychiatrist, ophthalmologist, phlebotomist, {or horse whisperer}] willing to write a script for tension alleviating pharmaceuticals or Thai massage happy endings. I’m going to discuss a potential epidemic seeping into the electoral culture, kindergartens, free form finger paintings and Joe Cocker interpreter associations: flipmitusfloppimusrearrangeddreangement  [FFRD[or say what [?] disease]}].

Now I know the millions of you not following my blog would rather I discuss Dyspareunia and the depression that can result from vaginismus and the complete lack of lubrication in grape jelly, but present topic sideways, the need for FFRD education is paramount in Peoria and beyond.

To understand the symptoms of FFRD, the medical disestablishment must first recognize [my genius] potential afflicted affected nondescript described sufferers, and to distinguish said sufferers with potential plaintiffs of a class action suit aimed at silencing and lobotomizing [my genius] practitioners versed in the idiosyncrasies of Herman Cain’s denials, rebuttals, fondness for big butts, and secret-sauce stuffed salamis, or Mitt Romney’s fascination with which way the wind blows and imagined conversations with Ken dolls and Rick Perry [sans funny penguin walk and imagined disbelief at the believable {as it pertains to the scriptures and cartoon network marathons}] Ron Paul casting puppet shadows at Rick Santorum.

No?

More clarification?

Think of Michele Bachmann — I do three times a day. My fascination with her ability to increase paranoia within a delusional state [hers] as it pertains to Orville Redenbacher’s super secret popcorn and the gayness associated with corndogs brings on a serious case of Dyspareunia, but I digest.

More clarification?

Well, add to my research [fantasy] that Bachmann exhibits no signs of FFRD: external finger paint stains, Joe Cocker seizure-gestures [or faxed-facsimiles], leads one to believe her strengths struggle with cogent thought and tuna fish. Now I suggest one pay careful attention to the finger paint stains of Romney, Perry, Santorum, Paul [Gingrich ate his] { Cain is in perpetual denial of all things stained and oral}], and you have it: classic flipmitusfloppimusrearrangeddreangement  [FFRD[or say what [?] disease]}]  Sadly, the only known cure is helium or codeine coated pop tarts — untoasted.

Now where’s the grape jelly?

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