The Troubled Therapist

January 26, 2010

A Bouncy Ball of Confusion

Filed under: comedy,humor,Uncategorized — Chuck A Stetson @ 7:55 PM
Tags: ,

Have you ever thought you were out of touch with reality—you know walking through life tripping over your shoelaces while wearing loafers? No problem… just wear sandals. Barefooting it will also work, except when you realize that you’re germ-phobic with OCD tendencies for clean feet and Bette Midler posters. Then you wear sneakers and seek out the services of a good therapist. Me? Maybe. Freud? Shit no, he’s dead; but Jung does offer his services to those who believe in disbelief.

A warning must be issued—the AMA and the Benevolent Association for Captain Kangaroo insists—my ability to diagnose and treat the foibles of mental illness is to be considered carefully before digesting any of my advice or Crayola crayons dipped in milk chocolate accented with horseradish and SSRs. That said, I’m here to help….



  1. I need more details on your background before I start sending you all my issues, Ann Landers style. Will you end your answer after 50 minutes, whether you’ve really finished or not? Will you start to fall asleep mid-session (which I guess wouldn’t matter nearly as much here as it does in my therapists’s office)? Will you be a soft-talker like she is, forcing me to say “WHAT?” over and over again? Because that single issue right there could make or break us.

    Comment by pamajama — February 9, 2010 @ 6:34 PM | Reply

  2. I only do 45 minutes, thirty of which I’m fantasizing and fifteen in which I’m fantasizing about my fantasy. I do this behind sunglasses with minimal body movement or sound. I’m a soft talker who eventually screams. “huh?”

    Comment by The Troubled Therapist — February 9, 2010 @ 10:13 PM | Reply

  3. Will this type of therapy be covered under the health care reform bill?

    If it isn’t, or if the bill does not pass, will you accept live chickens as payment?

    Comment by wanderingblonde — February 15, 2010 @ 1:43 AM | Reply

  4. If the answer is “no” to the chickens, is there some other form of livestock you would be interested in?

    Comment by wanderingblonde — February 15, 2010 @ 1:44 AM | Reply

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